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Beginning Again

I stumbled across this quote recently and it is stirring up so many thoughts and emotions for me. As I review where I have been, take stock of where I am, and set my eyes on where I am headed, I feel sadness, pride, gratitude and excitement all at once.

My yesterdays were not easy. Over the past 15 years, I have experienced many life transitions -

from single - to starting a family - to being single again,

from working full-time for a non-profit - to establishing a non-profit - back to working for a non-profit,

from recovering from trauma - to co-authoring a book about resilience - then recovering from new traumas!

The pain, exhaustion, and agony of transformation is not marked on the wings of those who mourn the ground, we simply fly on.

Over this past decade, I’ve grieved the death of loved ones, healed from a crash, processed the divorce, accepted the dissolution of dreams for my organization, mourned my old lifestyle, and let go of what I thought would last a lifetime. As I share this, I know we have all suffered through many changes that we did not anticipate over the past couple of years. One lesson I've learned through it all is that the only thing that is certain is uncertainty. Another lesson great lesson I've learned is that God remains consistent.

No matter how much I've tried to control life, it continues to flow like water through my clenched fists. I tried to hold on to what was, unsure of what’s next and not knowing how to move forward. I’ve judged myself for the unpleasant changes, feeling as though I did not do enough for long enough. In the past, my mind has been tangled in the “shoulds” and trapped in the “I can'ts” . But there is no benefit to remaining closed in shame, guilt, and fear.

One of the main things that free me is the act of acceptance, because acceptance opens a path to unconditional love that changes the course of life for the better.

I've heard it said, change is the only constant. The reality is, change triggers anxiety for a lot of us. We crave stability and demand guarantees. We beg people to never leave and we want our safe spaces to stay the same. But this is not how life works. In order to truly enjoy life, perhaps we must develop a clear understanding of what life is and how it works. Perhaps we can have a loving relationship with life if we loosen our grip of control and grab a hold of abundance.

I wonder...

What if we embraced that life is a series of changes?

What if we expected change to help us grow?

How can we laugh-scream through life as if we are at the peek of a roller-coaster anticipating the thrill of being thrusted downward, upside-down, in a loop and around again?!

I'm exploring these thoughts for myself, even as I present them to you.

Life is a ride of ups, downs, twists, and turns.

Life is a rhythm of receiving and letting go. It flows between doing and resting, and brings seasons of becoming more and shedding it all. Life is a process of sowing, breaking, blooming, dying and trying again as often as we need to, for as long as God graces us to.

As I reflect on the past few years of my life, I am grateful for every seed. My ancestors and mentors have guided me in serving youth and families for over twenty years. My elementary students have grown into adults with careers and families they love.

I see the times of brokenness through the lens of compassion, giving thanks that the trauma revealed generational resiliency. Through the practice of self love, I now feel more in tune with who I am and what I want.

I honor the parts of me that have died off and I celebrate what is blooming. It takes grace to keep trying, and that's what helps me show up the way I do today. My IG, podcast, breathwork, coaching and yoga practice are all reminders that it is possible to breathe in the midst of life's changes.

The fact that you are still breathing is evidence that life wants to keep expressing itself through you too. You deserve to transcend the soil you were planted in and bloom in every way you were created to.

Take a slow inhale through the nose. Welcome love in.

Open the mouth and release what has wounded you.

Receive. Release. Repeat.

Give thanks.

Now that we are here,

Let us begin.


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